One week later.

Once again I'm part of a statistic that is all too common for women
What is an ectopic pregnancy
Apparently a super common occurrence
1 in 50 pregnancies
It is when a pregnancy implants outside of the uterus
It's staggering how many people have never heard of it
My ob has never even mentioned it
It can be life threatening
One week later looking back on what happened

I started having abdominal pain a few weeks ago
I thought it was just menstrual pain
I had my period for 3 weeks
Last Thursday I started having pain again
The pain was intense for an hour an subsided shortly after
It got so severe Graham came home from work
Cramping, cold sweat, tingling sensation to my extremities, shortness of breath

Friday I called my ob and explained what was going on
The nurse told me my ovaries were "over reacting"
She said to start my pill Sunday and everything would "even out"

By early afternoon I was having debilitating abdominal pain again
I couldn't get my baby Iris down for a nap
I couldn't move from the bathroom floor
I tried texting friends to come help with the girls
I thought the pain would pass again
I was dripping cold sweat on the floor while my girls looked down on me
My body was trembling
My baby was crying
I could barely breathe
Elodie kept asking if I was ok
My mouth was so dry

I finally called Graham again
I was in tears begging him to come home
The pain was excruciating

On his way home Graham paged our cousin Zoe in on a call who is a nurse to ask about my symptoms
After hysterically crying through it she urged us to go to the emergency room
He got home about 45 minutes later
He went downstairs to pack the girls up
I tried to get up to go to the bathroom and passed out and hit my head

When I passed out I remember seeing the brightest light I've ever seen
It was like I was sitting on a hillside watching the sunrise
So peaceful
I remember sitting there talking to someone for a very long time

My body jolted when I woke up
I was upside down in the corner of the bathroom facing the wall
I felt like I was in a tiny box
I screamed for Graham to come

I finally decided that he needed to call 911
This had to be more than my ovaries over reacting
The firefighters got there first
I remember their calm voices as I laid on the ground
When the paramedics got there they all tried to help me down the stairs
I passed out again going down the stairs

I felt the bright light take over
Again mere seconds felt like hours of time had passed

I was jolted back to reality
Unrecognizable faces peering down on me
Back to the excruciating pain
Rushed to the hospital

Everything seemed like slow motion there
They wouldn't give me pain meds because my blood pressure was so low
They wouldn't give me water
I begged them to please help me
It was still so hard to breathe
I will never forget the look on my daughters faces as I lay in agony

The doctor finally did an ultrasound and said I was full of fluid
I didn't realize that meant blood
After the next ultrasound they told me I had an ectopic pregnancy that had ruptured
I would need surgery immediately
Pregnant?
I thought my ovaries were "overreacting"

Everyone in the emergency room now had a sense of urgency all of a sudden
5 blood transfusions
Surgery to remove the fallopian tube, pregnancy, and the 4 quarts of blood clots in my abdomen and chest
I held Graham's hand, my breath and said I love you

When I woke up after surgery it was still so hard to breathe
Still so much pain
Graham was holding my hand
I was alive
My girls were ok
My face was unrecognizable
I was so swollen from all of the blood and fluids pumped into me

The doctor told Graham it was a good things we got to the hospital when we did or I wouldn't have made it
So much blood loss
Such a terrifying experience
The most alarming and painful experience of my life
I've lost two pregnancies
Two babies
In two very different ways

I couldn't sleep that night in the hospital
What if I don't wake up
My girls won't have a mother
My husband won't have a wife
I know it's in God's hands
I've never felt closer to death

My sister is here now
My aunt Geri was here before that
My aunt Stephanie came to get the girls from the hospital
My cousin Macy stayed with them that night
So thankful for all of the help

I'm feeling stronger everyday
I added three more battle wounds to my body
My mind is more clear everyday
Which makes everything feel more real
The reality of what happened brings strong emotions
I'm breathing
I'm healing

Home for Christmas....

The girls and I took an extended trip home again for Christmas this year.
My father in-law Stan picked us up and sister in-law Anna let us borrow her car.
My sister Crystal even drove to pick up Graham late at night a week later.
So thankful for such a loving, supportive, and helpful family.
I'm not sure how I would've done it alone renting a car or something.
It was soooooo cold that first day.
Minnesota friends, it was that -30 weekend.
How would I have gotten our two huge suitcases, stroller, two car seats, and the girls to the car rental place.....?
Thank goodness for family.
There are so many factors when coming home these days.
How are we going to get from point A to point B?
What can I borrow when I get there?
Car? Car seats? Baby gear? Toddler gear?
I left all of our winter gear in storage at my in-laws in Minneapolis this trip for next year.

Of course then "snowmageddon" happened in ATL a week after we came back.
One week later it was 70 degrees.
Elodie didn't think it was enough snow to play in anyway.

Back to Minnesota.
We ended up heading to the doctors office a couple of times.
Once for me and once for Iris.
Thankfully nothing serious.

We headed down to the farm earlier than expected to avoid sickness and inclement weather.
We were "snowed" in at the farm with my mom for the first few days.
Elodie got a bit stir crazy but had fun when she got to play in the snow after it warmed up a bit.
My mom had a food menu prepared for the entire week we were staying with them.
It definitely kept it stress free.
It is hard to be out of your own environment and routine with kids but it is so nice to have help.

Elodie got to help my mom decorate the tree, she made Christmas cookies, my dad took her and Iris for a sled ride, built a snowman, built an igloo, went on the 4-wheeler, saw Christmas lights, had lots of play time with her cousin, went on a carousel, and got one more chat with Santa at the Mankato mall before Christmas.

Seeing Christmas through a three year olds eyes is simply the best.
She had so many serious questions about Santa.
I also downloaded a handy Santa app on my phone that made daily calls to Elodie to check on her behavior.
It was so funny to see her eyes light up when my phone started ringing "We wish you a merry Christmas".
Any time there was bad behavior Santa would call.
He would also call to praise good behavior.

Christmas day the whole family got together.
There were ten adults, three children, one dog and one cat.
Then later that afternoon we got together at my aunt Linda and Jeff's with a small portion of the Vollmer family.

When Santa (my brother) came to visit on Christmas morning Elodie was shaking with excitement.
She got her "Hatchimal" from Santa (my mom).
She had been asking my mom for one since she visited in October.
My mom called after her visit to Atlanta in a panic on speaker phone in my car saying that Hatchimals were sold out everywhere.
Elodie replied from the back seat "It's ok Grammy Santa will bring me one".
Thank goodnesss "Santa" could find one.
I enlisted a couple of my amazing mom friends to help track one down.
One of my friends found out the day a shipment was arriving at the Woodstock Target.
Who knew a three year old would want the "tickle me Elmo" of 2016??
A Hatchimal is a mix of two animals.
She got a bearakeet.

I was praying that our sleeping arrangement would go smoothly in Minnesota.
Elodie slept with my mom the first couple of nights and then slept with Graham or I the rest of the time.
For most of the trip Graham the girls and I all slept in the same room.
I never thought I would be able to get a baby and toddler to sleep in the same room but it worked.
Good practice for some upcoming trips where we will be in a hotel.

After Christmas we went to Minneapolis to celebrate with the McFall clan.
We had a delicious feast with our family.
The kids even got their own table this year.
I think it was 11 adults, six kids, three dogs and two large Christmas trees.
Just a quiet day with family! Lol!
The day was filled with laughter and lots of Christmas cheer.

The McFall mansion is always full of the hustle bustle of kids, dogs, chaos, and lots of love.
I'm used to a big family and I love it.
It it seriously a dream come true to marry into a family that I love as much as I love my own.

The girls transitioned just fine to their new environment.
They got so much love and attention.
Elodie just adores her cousins and all the play time definitely wore her out.

Graham and I got to have a sibling date night out with Teegan, JB, Anna and Jeff.
Elodie got lots of playtime with Daniela and Granny.

Iris got lots of snuggle time with Granny.
Between Babbi, Grandpere, Anna, and Granny Iris was loved non-stop.
Graham took the girls and I on a tour of our favorite places in Minneapolis.
We got fried pickles at Pat's Tap and got a delicious taste and exclusive tour of the Surly brewery.
Tia Anna and Grandpere took the kids for a fun filled day at the Mall of America.
We enjoyed an unforgettable kid friendly NYE bash.
The boys all got to enjoy a football game at the new stadium.
We also got to be there to celebrate Grandpere's birthday the night before we left.

The trip was long but it is always so hard to leave the family and city we call home.
Graham the girls and I have a lovely home and amazing friends here in Georgia but Minneapolis will always be our home.
Our family and friends that are family are there.
Home is definitely where the heart is.
Our hearts are sad when we leave but we will definitely be back someday.

Being thankful.....

I can't believe my little baby Iris Joyce is almost 6 months old.
Adjusting to life as a mom of two girls has been a smooth transition so far.
Ugh did I really say that out loud?
Knock on wood!
I hope I didn't curse it.
It has been hard to say it out loud for fear of something going wrong.

Iris is literally the happiest baby in the world.
Elodie is still such an amazing big sister.
She loves her baby sister so much.
Every morning she wakes up and comes in and talks to her and holds her hand.
It is funny how you hear your own voice come out in your toddler.
She says a lot of "hi honey, how are you"....."ohhhh she's so cute mom....it's ok, I'm here".....
She sings to her and Iris is just enthralled with her.
She watches her every move.

Iris has been sleeping through the night since we brought her home.
We got her into a great routine the first week she was born.
She was going to bed around 8 or 9 and usually sleeps until 7 or 8.
When we got to Minnesota she started going to bed at 7 or before that and sleeping in just the same.
She is definitely teething.
Any day now those teeth will be popping out.
It has been so nice to not be sleep deprived while adjusting to life with two kids.
We just transitioned her to the crib this week.
I put Elodie in the crib right at 3 months old.
I was so sad to put Iris in her crib.
She still seems so little and she still loves being swaddled.

Iris is rolling all over the place and giggles non stop.
Her signals are easy for me to read.
I guess since she gave me such a hard time at birth she is easy on me now.

Elodie has turned into the most inquisitive toddler ever.
Most of the time she is so sweet.
But the toddler whine takes over some days.
Mom mom mom mom mom
She hasn't stopped talking for the last three months.
What is that, who is that, who lives there, why why why???
So many questions.
All. day. long.
Most days it is hard to focus on anything deeper than cooking, cleaning and changing diapers.
I know she is learning.
I love her sooooo much.
Sometimes just having silence at the end of the day is so nice.

I've really been struggling to find a way to make extra money for some of the debt we have accrued.
I thought I could just take up a second job on the side no problem.
But it is a lot harder to find time than I imagined.
I found myself feeling very stressed.
When I get stressed I break out in hives.
It seems like I have a lot more free time in one day than I actually do.

Instead of stressing over money I choose to be grateful.
I'm thankful for what we do have.
After seeing our Peepaw so sad over Thanksgiving it reminded me how precious life can be.
We lost our dear Meemaw over Christmas last year.
Peepaw is still so heartbroken.
He loves to play with Elodie and rock Iris.

It seems like just yesterday I told Meemaw at Thanksgiving that we were pregnant with baby Iris.
She was so happy for us.
I remember how her eyes lit up and the smile on her face like it was yesterday.
Meemaw always had a smile on her face.
Iris Joyce carries on this legacy.
She smiles at everyone.
Everyone loves a smiling baby.
You can't help but smile back.