One week later.

Once again I'm part of a statistic that is all too common for women
What is an ectopic pregnancy
Apparently a super common occurrence
1 in 50 pregnancies
It is when a pregnancy implants outside of the uterus
It's staggering how many people have never heard of it
My ob has never even mentioned it
It can be life threatening
One week later looking back on what happened

I started having abdominal pain a few weeks ago
I thought it was just menstrual pain
I had my period for 3 weeks
Last Thursday I started having pain again
The pain was intense for an hour an subsided shortly after
It got so severe Graham came home from work
Cramping, cold sweat, tingling sensation to my extremities, shortness of breath

Friday I called my ob and explained what was going on
The nurse told me my ovaries were "over reacting"
She said to start my pill Sunday and everything would "even out"

By early afternoon I was having debilitating abdominal pain again
I couldn't get my baby Iris down for a nap
I couldn't move from the bathroom floor
I tried texting friends to come help with the girls
I thought the pain would pass again
I was dripping cold sweat on the floor while my girls looked down on me
My body was trembling
My baby was crying
I could barely breathe
Elodie kept asking if I was ok
My mouth was so dry

I finally called Graham again
I was in tears begging him to come home
The pain was excruciating

On his way home Graham paged our cousin Zoe in on a call who is a nurse to ask about my symptoms
After hysterically crying through it she urged us to go to the emergency room
He got home about 45 minutes later
He went downstairs to pack the girls up
I tried to get up to go to the bathroom and passed out and hit my head

When I passed out I remember seeing the brightest light I've ever seen
It was like I was sitting on a hillside watching the sunrise
So peaceful
I remember sitting there talking to someone for a very long time

My body jolted when I woke up
I was upside down in the corner of the bathroom facing the wall
I felt like I was in a tiny box
I screamed for Graham to come

I finally decided that he needed to call 911
This had to be more than my ovaries over reacting
The firefighters got there first
I remember their calm voices as I laid on the ground
When the paramedics got there they all tried to help me down the stairs
I passed out again going down the stairs

I felt the bright light take over
Again mere seconds felt like hours of time had passed

I was jolted back to reality
Unrecognizable faces peering down on me
Back to the excruciating pain
Rushed to the hospital

Everything seemed like slow motion there
They wouldn't give me pain meds because my blood pressure was so low
They wouldn't give me water
I begged them to please help me
It was still so hard to breathe
I will never forget the look on my daughters faces as I lay in agony

The doctor finally did an ultrasound and said I was full of fluid
I didn't realize that meant blood
After the next ultrasound they told me I had an ectopic pregnancy that had ruptured
I would need surgery immediately
Pregnant?
I thought my ovaries were "overreacting"

Everyone in the emergency room now had a sense of urgency all of a sudden
5 blood transfusions
Surgery to remove the fallopian tube, pregnancy, and the 4 quarts of blood clots in my abdomen and chest
I held Graham's hand, my breath and said I love you

When I woke up after surgery it was still so hard to breathe
Still so much pain
Graham was holding my hand
I was alive
My girls were ok
My face was unrecognizable
I was so swollen from all of the blood and fluids pumped into me

The doctor told Graham it was a good things we got to the hospital when we did or I wouldn't have made it
So much blood loss
Such a terrifying experience
The most alarming and painful experience of my life
I've lost two pregnancies
Two babies
In two very different ways

I couldn't sleep that night in the hospital
What if I don't wake up
My girls won't have a mother
My husband won't have a wife
I know it's in God's hands
I've never felt closer to death

My sister is here now
My aunt Geri was here before that
My aunt Stephanie came to get the girls from the hospital
My cousin Macy stayed with them that night
So thankful for all of the help

I'm feeling stronger everyday
I added three more battle wounds to my body
My mind is more clear everyday
Which makes everything feel more real
The reality of what happened brings strong emotions
I'm breathing
I'm healing